Hi, my name is Rebelle and I am fat! Reading that word alone, seeing someone admit to it out loud will conjure up a thousand different emotions and preconceptions for people. Today I would like to talk to you all … Continue reading
For your reading pleasure I have compiled my top ten favourite vagina facts! The word Vagina comes from the Latin for Sheath – where you keep your sword. It also means Scabbard but frankly I’d prefer not to have the … Continue reading
I took some time out to feel the feelings. When this website was a spark in the back of my brain I promised that it would be a positive space, my creative avenue. In the last week or two elements … Continue reading
Selfishness has an awful reputation especially when it comes to sex. However I am here to defend selfishness and tell you why there are worse things you can be. 1. Being Selfish Will Make You Healthier Rosen and Deuter interviewed … Continue reading
Dear My Wonderful Wonderful Readers,
Whether you have been there from the days of Lashes, Lace & Ink or if this is the very first post you have seen, I want to say thank you so very much for taking the time to read what I write. You read, you comment, you engage and you share as much of yourselves as I do, if not more for all of this effort from the bottom of my very soul I thank you.
Your bravery and your interactions have made the last 48 hours utterly unforgettable. I have quite literally gone from being a mental health closet case to having people bare their souls to me. The secrets about their own mental health that they have held close for so long were suddenly thrown forth to the sky like dusty moths never to return. I am not saying that they now no longer have to be secretive about their mental health but they at least had one way of venting and putting it out there even if it was for five minutes, five seconds or put down as an online comment.
I believe your words and your story are an immense source of power. Your power can be used to help lift others up offering comfort, hope and inspiration. They can also be a power that buries you allowing you to perish. If you fight so hard to keep those words and censor yourself you spend a great deal of time pre planning your choice of words.
The conversations I have had over the last 48 hours have lifted me to a plane I never knew existed. One person reached out to say how very different their life would have been had I not been a part of it, people have shared their opinions of my bravery for sharing my story and putting my face to it. Sweethearts let me tell you this I am only a human, I hope to live my life in the most positive way possible and treating others with dignity and respect. I put this out there with very little expectation of anything in return, not because I am some sort of saint but because I do it just because it makes me feel better. I have quite literally been reduced to tears this evening because of the kind words people have said and sent to me.
My initial response was to be completely humble and not mention the responses I received, however I fully believe that this would be doing a great disservice to anybody who took something from the article. Instead I ask you in the first instance to join me on Facebook where the conversations and positivity can be continued if you feel like you want to have a vent, share an issue or simply receive positive messages then please join I would be so happy to chat to you all. Secondly I want to thank all of you for inspiring me to “walk the talk” because of your presence and bravery sharing your stories I feel braver and with every new step I take I really feel like I have all of you with me. When the rest of the world is a pretty shitty place and people step on you and remind you of just how unimportant you are it is you darlings that help me keep my head up and want to keep on fighting!
Thank you is not enough, it will never be enough. Two words could never express the gratitude I feel to you all for allowing me to have this website to share my musings. I hope you benefit as much from reading it as I do writing it. Whether or not you realise it you have changed my life. You may never have set eyes on me before but you, you reading this I want you to know that you have contributed to my journey of personal growth and for such a gift a mere thank you will never be enough.
Deepest Love Always,
An incredibly grateful,
Today I had a conversation the likes of which I have never had before. I openly discussed my Anxiety. Yes, Hello dear readers, My name is Rebelle and I have Anxiety.
During this conversation I mentioned that the very first person I had seen speak frankly and openly about Anxiety was the blogger Dorkface, who coincidentally inspired me to write my post about Anxiety and Sex. Throughout the conversation I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I could discuss this aspect of my existence without fear or judgement. It’s funny, I could discuss intimate details of sexual acts and organs to a room full of people but if I have to even allude to my Anxiety I get hives. So here goes, this is my Anxiety story.
How it all began….
I was never a social butterfly. I was a dorky, nervous, fat kid with glasses who would rather read books than make friends. People made me nervous and playgrounds were full of people which made me even more nervous. If I forgot parts of my homework I would remember late at night and ultimately feel completely sick until I did it. This was my existence a constant stream of worrying. I never saw anything wrong with it because I had always been like this. My mother was a “natural worrier” too so really it’s all I knew.
I’m sure it sounds strange to hear this but my Anxiety worked to my advantage too. Because of my unique ability to imagine the very worst situations possible I became fantastically organised and had a brilliant ability to plan events with no detail unattended to. I had spent months worrying about the details.
Where it all started to go a bit wrong….
I am happy to say I did grow out of my introverted stage about 3 years ago. I started to experiment with my hair and clothing and make decisions that made me happy. All efforts to make me feel better and distract from the constant worrying and paranoia. To the outside world I was happy, bright bubbly and confident… and inside I was worrying about what people thought of me, did they think I was too fat, did they like me, did they think I was stupid and so on. I frequently worried that I was going to lose my job, the people I loved were going to die and that something awful would happen to me or the people I care about. All perfectly rational fleeting thoughts, however these thoughts eventually started to keep me up at night. An unanswered text from a friend would send me into a paranoid spin wondering what I had said or what I had done to upset them. Consequentially I became a people-pleaser, I was so obsessed with what people thought of me that I wanted to make sure their opinion of me was a good one.
I was so exhausted from the running around making people happy, exhausted from worrying, exhausted about worrying about what I wasn’t worried about and yet when I went to bed I could’t sleep because I had fresh things to worry about. As a result I was constantly tired and so I had an excuse not to go out with my friends. Once or twice not going out was a pleasant experience. I mean I didn’t feel bad because I had a valid excuse. The thing is with the not going out is that when it comes to the next time you do go out (for me anyway) the panic set in. All the people, the crowds, it would be unpleasant, people might look at me and the worry before I even went anywhere. What would I wear, I have no clothes that “flatter” me, if my makeup went wrong I would become hot and sweaty and nothing would go right from then on. I would have had a full on freak out before I even stepped outside the front door. When I did get to where I was going it would begin, I would get incredibly hot, my heart would race, my chest would tighten and I couldn’t breathe. I started to get incredibly upset that I couldn’t be a normal person. When I was stressed I would starve myself for hours on end which would give me incredible headaches and put me in foul humour and then I would get home and eat myself into oblivion to feel better. I’d wrap myself in a furry blanket, drink tea, stuff my face and hide. The thing with hiding is you do it for so long that people eventually get tired of inviting out the friend that never comes out anyway. They get tired of making plans with the person who consistently cancels last minute and it becomes easier and easier to hide away.
My light bulb moment, my rock bottom, whatever you would like to call it happened when everyday tasks were starting to cause the same level of panic that social outings would. I could no longer go shopping in certain shops at certain times because the noise and the amount of people were all too much. I could no longer go on dates because I would physically be sick at the idea of it all. The what ifs flooded my brain and I could no longer function. So I spent my days going to work and then hiding in my home where everything was safe and everything was familiar and yet I became incredibly good at hiding it all away so that nobody would ever know my secret. I was ever confident, colourful Rebelle.
What I did….
I had taken steps to improve my diet and exercise in a bid to feel better, I began to take reflective time out, I learned more about neuro linguistic programming and cognitive behavioural therapy. All contributing factors which assisted in upping my feel good feelings but I was still a shaking mess anytime I went to get the groceries. So I decided to go to the doctor, I figured he would give me happy pills, I’d be happy and life would be wonderful. The night before my appointment I wrote down all my symptoms, the things I had been feeling, the physical reactions, things that had gotten progressively worse. I wanted him to take me seriously, I was genuinely concerned that he would just tell me to cop on. I kid you not folks I had convinced myself that the Doctor was going to say “Ah now Rebelle, you’re getting a bit excited about feck all really, you’d just want to calm down a bit” The funny thing is as I sat in the waiting room that morning with what I deemed the “actual sick people”, people with coughs, colds, visible injuries the panic set in. The gremlins in my head started up and made me question why I was there. After all I wasn’t legitimately sick like the rest of these people.
Then the doctor called my name and I wanted to vomit. As I sat in front of him clutching my piece of paper and shaking I didn’t even know where to begin and that’s what I said to him. “I don’t know how to say this but I’ve written some stuff down, can I read it out….” and so I did. He didn’t laugh, he didn’t tell me calm down, he listened. We went through what I had done to alleviate the negative feelings I had. He established I had made an effort to treat myself in a holistic manner and asked how I felt about medication. I expressed my very real concern that I would resemble a lobotomized zombie, that I would lose all sparks of creativity and personality – all the wonderful things that made me, me. He assured me that, that type of medication had gone the way of the asylum on the hill and instead would recommend something that would just help me feel balanced.
I can’t believe I waited so long to do something! If I had known that one little tablet with minor changes would help me feel like a normal person I wouldn’t have tortured myself for so long. I’m happy to say my creativity hasn’t been hampered, the opposite in fact is true. It’s surprising the amount of hours there are in the day when you no longer have to spend the majority of your time contemplating and worrying about everything. Bottom line, I wish I had gotten the finger out and done it sooner!!
Which brings me to why I decided to write this post….
In the conversation today I was discussing how brave I thought Dorkface was for discussing her Anxiety so frankly and how I had never heard of anyone doing that before. If so many people have this and it is so common then where are all these people with their stories. Then it dawned on me, I was one of those people who hadn’t held their hand up and told their story because I was so afraid of what people would think.
Instead of sitting back and waiting I decided to put on my big girl boots and join the ever brave Dorkface in telling my story. I also felt it was important to put my picture out there too, it would be very easy for me to hide behind my laptop and tell my story but for it to really hit home for me I needed to put my face to my Anxiety. I’m not a case study, I’m not mental, I am not going to be ashamed will I wear a banner saying “Ask me about my Anxiety” probably not but I will start conversing about it more, you betcha.
Won’t you join me?
(PS this isn’t an Anxiety exclusive task share your face and whatever “issue/ concern/ subject you want to share)
Since I wrote my first post about body confidence I have had a number of people, mainly women it has to be said, contact me. They usually ask how I manage to stay so confident and wishing they could have my confidence. Let me tell you this kittens I am not Superwoman. I was not always this confident there was a time where I would be barely able to make eye contact without blushing and I spent a great deal of time trying to hide away. I’ve kicked that dirty habit and now I am here to share what I do to make myself feel fabulous and love the skin I’m in.
Surround Yourself with Positive Messages.
Alright it might sound like complete mumbo-jumbo to some of you but surrounding yourself with positive messages really worked for me. Remove the negative nonsense, the punishing diet books, the bitchy gossip magazines, the “Thinspiration” picture on your fridge. Anything that sends a message to you that makes you feel shit about yourself- bin it. You have no time for that rubbish, you are going to be too busy being fabulous. So get creative and create items with positive slogans on them. Look up inspirational and motivational quotes that make you feel wonderful. If you are not as quite as creative as you would like to be why not look up some cool local businesses. I love Stitchie Wonder– who can create any number of fabulous products with positive slogans on them, personally I love their cushions and throw pillows and Skullmuggery who can paint your favourite positive quotes, phrases on cups, mugs and teapots (and are part of this feature image). What better way to start your day than with a cuppa and a positive message. Surround yourself with all the good stuff so it makes it a little more difficult for the not so good to creep in.
Take More Pictures
I used to avoid cameras and photographs like the plague, why? Because I always looked fat in pictures. Silly I know because I was/ am fat. I just hadn’t quite come to terms with that fact yet. I was so used to avoiding myself in the mirror that I rarely saw myself. The only bodies I saw were those of the celebrities in the gossip rags I adored. So when it came to seeing myself in photographs it was always traumatic to see what I looked like because it never compared to the bodies I had seen- funnily enough. I kicked this habit by taking more photographs. This time when I took photographs I would look at them and look at myself. It took a while before I could look at them and not wince. You have to remember sweethearts you are not a celebrity, you do not have a team of professionals following you to ensure you look immaculate at all times. There is no point making the comparison. You are gorgeous are you are! Why put negative energy into making comparisons that won’t make you feel better. Instead devote that time and energy into accepting what you see in the mirror and in photographs. I’m not saying don’t change, I’m saying make sure it comes from a positive place rather than beating yourself up.
Be Brave With Your Look!
I spent many years envious of the girls who had the look I wanted. I wanted short hair but I was told I fat girls couldn’t have short hair. I wanted bright, colourful, experimental makeup, but I was too afraid to draw attention to myself. So what happened? I got a little braver every time I went for a haircut, until eventually I ended up with most of my head shaved and guess what- it was awesome! I love my short hair and I’m sorry I wasted so long worrying about what it would look like. Cut your hair, it will grow back, dye it the colour you want, you can fix it. I do recommend going to a hairdresser for major changes though. I have had a number of oops moments with my hair that I’d rather forget and it’s always helpful to bounce ideas off someone. As for the makeup just try it. There are plenty of youtube tutorials telling you how to achieve these looks at home, failing that ask the girls on cosmetic counters, that is their job and they are happy to share their expertise. I know I used to worry that they would look at me and think “Why would you bother putting make up on, who’s going to look at you?” If you get that vibe walk away. Don’t apologise, don’t explain just walk the fuck outta there. *Deep Breath* As I was saying ask the girlies, they might even be able to point you in the direction of makeup classes that may be running soon. That way you get a whole pile of tips and tricks and advice on how to use products. Just go for it. Wear the lipstick, wear big false lashes, have bright colours if that is what your heart desires. Just wear it. If you’re a fan of natural beauty do that! You do what makes you feel amazing, with every step you take you will feel a little braver and you will eventually wonder why it was such a big deal in the first place.
It’s Your Body- Own It!
I promise I will write a longer post about this very topic when I get some better pictures of my tattoos. Since getting my tattoos and piercings I have never felt more ownership and acceptance of my body. I love these beautiful pieces of art that adorn my skin. People will always have their opinions about tattoos and piercings but the bottom line is its your body, do with it what you will. If a tattoo is a commitment you are willing to make then go for it. Do your homework and go get tattooed. If the idea of pain makes you squirm then maybe think of another way you can take ownership of your body. Get a Boudoir Shoot for your eyes only, capture your body and be proud of it. Whatever it is that will help you positively own your body then do that!
Read What Will Make You Feel Better!
As I’ve mentioned again and again I lived for “Women’s Magazines” pages filled with body shaming, slut shaming and gossipy trash that was not empowering. That is until I discovered Caitlin Moran. I adore Caitlin Moran. I love her so much I wrote an article about her for Fe-line. I promise I will not write another love letter to her here but if you want to know why I love her so, read the article and then read her books. I read them because they make me feel better. I learn more about feminism, she is exceptionally witty and I get an alternate view point on things. All things that make me feel good and do not leave me with icky shamey feelings. There are heaps and heaps of books and blogs out there that have no Body Shame nonsense in them. Seek them out and engross yourself in them. It’s good for your soul!!
Have an Inspirational Figure- the more the better!!
There are a limited selection of pictures of bodies in the media. You might be one of the luck few who can find a body type that looks like yours. Chances are though that you won’t find those images in mainstream media and that you will have to go in search of them. I love to look at pictures of full figured women who are fat, fabulous and working it! They are flying the flag, kicking ass and could give a monkey’s what you think about it. They will not be silenced they are loud, proud and gorgeous. It is these images that get me through my niggly days. On the days when the gremlins get in and say- you can’t wear that and other hurtful things. I look at a picture of Velvet D’amour, Tess Munster, Vicki Valentine or any number of full figured beauties and I think Eff You Gremlins!! I always find it helpful to look at someone and think well if they can do it why the heck can’t I. Bugger the begrudgers and negative ninnys.
Never let anybody dull your sparkle! You are here, you are alive and you are amazing. It doesn’t matter how you got here the point is you are here now. You can wait for the “when’s” – I’ll do it when I lose some weight, I’ll do it when the kids are a little older, I’ll do it when…
Do it now and do it for you! I’m not saying you must don a bikini immediately and if you don’t feel 100% comfortable you have failed. I’m saying be brave at a level that works for you and when you are brave celebrate like you’ve won a boxing match. Because in reality you have. Every time you give restricting standards the middle finger or challenge how people “should” be seen or “should” behave you’ve kicked arse and kicked it hard!!
Now go forth and focus on you! Share your stories of arse kicking and I will continue to share mine.
Come join me life is so much fun when you’re giving restrictions the middle finger!
Unless you’ve been hiding away from social media or you’re just not that interested in celebrity gossip you will have heard about the leaked nude photographs of celebrities. With new technology it is all too easy for photographs to go from personal to viral in no time at all. Good news when you want to be in the know, bad news if it’s your booty on show.
‘Sexting’ refers to someone sending sexually explicit pictures of themselves or others via a mobile phone, email or the web.
It can be a wonderfully intimate sexy thing to do for your partner, however it can also mean you are exposing yourself, quite literally in more ways than you would like.
This handy little guide will help you Sext to your hearts content whilst minimizing the risk.
Please note: If you live in Ireland and you have a sexually explicit pictures (naked, or pictures of bits that are typically covered by bra’s and underwear) of someone under 17, even if it is you, you could be charged with child pornography charges. Even if you send and delete it you can be charged with distributing child pornography. Bottom line if you or your partner is under 17 no sexting for you- it’s not worth the risk. For those outside Ireland pretty please check your own laws.
Rule 1 : Have Anonymous Sext
If you are going to send pictures of yourself, keep them anonymous! You know it’s you, the person you are sending it to knows it’s you but if it gets forwarded on, it could be anybody. A good rule to follow is this: if anyone close to you ended up seeing the picture, would they instantly know it was you? If a stranger saw it on the internet, would they recognize you if they saw you in person? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, then you’re showing too much! Remember, no pictures of your face; identifying features such as a mole, piece of jewelry, tattoo, piece of clothing, etc.; and no captions with the picture that mention anything personal! If it can be linked back to you it’s a no, no.
Let’s be honest Sexting does not suggest PG activity, but that is the point, it is suggestive without being explicit. There are plenty of Sexts you can send that don’t cross the line: partially nude photos, artfully taken pictures of parts of your body (artfully = strategically hiding your naughty bits!), flirtatious texts about your relationship (whatever that may be), and maybe even plans to meet up later without specific details, just implied details. Sexting should definitely be fun, but it can definitely do damage your reputation if the guy decides he wants to show his friends. So that means no completely nude photos of yourself, no raunchy texts back and forth, and no promises about what you’re going to do to him later. If it’s something you would never want anyone else to see, not even a good friend, then you probably shouldn’t send it!
Rule 3: No Drunken Sexting
You wouldn’t make any other important decisions while you were drunk would you? So pretty please do not decide that two in the morning, after one too many cocktails, is the right time to send that cutie you’ve been eyeing up a raunchy text. If you’re feeling inspired then absolutely save a draft and have a look at it again in the morning. If you still think it’s a good idea then go for it….provided you are still following the rest of the rules.
Rule 4: It Should Be Mutual
It seems to me that there is an expectation that it is the girl’s responsibility to turn a guy on- Errrr No! If you’re the one taking all of the risks and receiving nothing in return, then speak up or stop giving it up. Yes it’s nice to be adored or lusted after be sure you’re not being taken advantage of by making them reciprocate. You can flirtatiously let them know that they are not being fair by saying “Aw, Not fair I never get anything from you…” or “Ok, now it’s your turn!” They should get the hint, if not then just stop. Nobody needs a selfish partner.
Make sure your reasons for sexting are your own reasons. Never let a partner pressure you into doing or showing something which makes you uncomfortable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting to be intimate in person. If they are pressuring you for a sext, let them know in a cute way that it’s not going to happen by saying something like, “I’d rather talk about this in person…” or “Maybe we can make that happen later tonight.”… only if you’re ready of course. If they still try to push you, then make it a little more clear: “I don’t feel comfortable doing that” or “I prefer physical contact” If they still push then give them the push, Sexting should be sexy not pressured.
Ok I’ve told you what not to do, so here’s what you can do.
Send photos that imply something more, such as a photo of your unmade bed or a picture of your lingerie drawer
The ‘…’ is your best friend: If you add dot dot dot to the end of any sentence, it makes it sound flirty no matter what. For example, “I can’t wait to see you later…”
If you want to get them excited, start by complimenting them on something they did the last time you two were together. You can make this as tame or as naughty as you want. For example, “I can’t believe what an amazing kisser you are…” or “Last night was so amazing”
The true key to safe sexting is to stay within your comfort zone. Trust your instincts – if you aren’t sure you can trust your partner with a photo of yourself, then don’t send one. If you aren’t sure how they will respond to a sext from you, then the two of you probably aren’t at that level yet. Sexting, just like physical sex, will always be the best if you feel safe, comfortable, and protected. It’s your Sex(t) life and you know it better than anyone else. It can be naughty fun for new couples or longer term couples. Only you know how far to push your boundaries.
The bottom line Rebelle-utionaries: It’s your body- Do what you very well please with it!!
Stay Safe Sexters!
Quite recently I read a blog post by blogger Dorkface about Anxiety, Stress and Acceptance. As I read her story I remember thinking to myself how brave she was to be so frank about her mental health. I wrote … Continue reading
I have been overwhelmed by the number of positive responses I have had to my blog over these past few weeks. As a thank you I would like to give something back!
A Body Love Pamper Hamper!!
I have had a few questions asking how sex and body positivity are linked and my answer is this. If you don’t feel good in your own skin how are you ever going to feel good having sex?
Sooo to help you out with feeling good and improve your sex life, yes that includes your solo sex life I will be giving away a hamper of pampering goodies and a surprise or two from
To win all you have to do is Like our Facebook page and share the competition
Follow & Retweet on Twitter @Rebelle_ution
Like and Follow on Instagram rebelle.haze
Subscribe to the Blog Mailing list http://www.rebelle-ution.com
Do all of the above to increase your chance of winning
You can only enter once but you will get extra entries if you tag your friends in the picture and they give a like too
Once the Facebook page hits 300 likes I will complete the draw!!
Lots of Love
xoxoxwinners outside the republic of Ireland may be required to contribute to postage