Feminist Tips for Killing First Date Nerves

Feminist Tips for Killing First Date Nerves

Ladies and Gentlemen I have some quite exciting news. I shook the online dating tree and I found myself a date!! The gent in question will be referred to as Mr. Fisher from here on out, online dating aficionados may recognise the reference.  He is a rather handsome gentleman with whom I have quite a bit in common with, needless to say I am quite excited about our date.

However with the excitement came the butterflies. You know the ones, great big fluttering creatures that cause quite a stir and not the good kind. In order to ensure I am not a gibbering wreck for my rendez-vous with Mr.Fisher I have channeled my inner feminist and put together this handy little guide to killing your first date nerves.

1. Relax, you are awesome!

While I have a healthy ego about many things/ some would suggest too much ego, my confidence turns to jelly when pursuing someone I really like. I can’t help but focusing on all of the reasons why they probably won’t like me. All too often, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Why would they like me when I don’t act like I even like myself in that moment. So when the self-doubt becomes overwhelming, I remind myself that “I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m gorgeous!” Sure I may not be the right person for my date, but hey I’m bound to be the the right person for someone. Plus try to remember that how much you like the other person is as important as how much they like you. How are you going to know if there is a spark if you’re too busy fretting?

Just relax kiddo you’re friggin awesome!

2. Find Feminist Common Ground!

Whether I’m responding to questions about what I do, or  giving further insight into who I am, the fact that I am a feminist inevitably comes up on a first date (though usually it’s before). While I certainly don’t quiz my dates on gender theory or go through a checklist of their political views, I like to gauge my date’s reaction to the idea that I am a feminist. This acts as a measure for whether or not we could work. If their immediate response is offensive or misogynistic, it’s a red flag (womp-womp, better luck next time).  Not identifying as a feminist is not a deal breaker by any means! If it’s respectful, and in the realm of curiosity, I’m a happy camper. If it’s fully informed and equally feminist, it’s game on.

3. Pay Your Own Way!

I’m not going to dictate that you must always go dutch, but in order for a partnership to be equal, both parties should invest equally, right? Anytime I’ve let someone pay for me on date, it’s been more of a symptom of how broke I am than a display of chivalry. That said I’m not going to start a war, wallet in hand if someone is insistent on picking up the coffee tab. Trust me the gesture is appreciated but not expected. If I want to see someone again, or if I was the one to ask someone out in the first place (gasp!), then I usually make the plans and fund the date. Fair is fair is fair, right?


4. Try Not to Play Games

Ah the “thrill of the chase” it’s so deeply ingrained into dating culture that we sometimes don’t even realise that we’re buying into it. Or we find it fun and exciting, and therefore difficult to abandon. Playing games can appear to be the norm, and straying from them may make us seem at best strange, and, at worst, psycho.

 When I do like someone, I’m often tempted to follow these so-called rules, so that I don’t appear overeager or needed and scare them away. When I realise that that’s what I’m doing, I try to come clean about how I feel, and just do what feels right. It stops me from wasting my time on someone who isn’t really interested in me, isn’t looking for the same thing as I am, or is intimidated by someone who knows how they feel and what they want. The modern feminist wants to be straight up and honest. Playing the distant game indulges the bizarre patriarchal notion that women must be these mystical, ethereal creatures. Like pixies, fairies or angles. But we are not Fairies, Fairies don’t have breasts, pubic hair or human-sized thighs.

5. Trust Your Friends!

Your friends know and love you more than you will ever know. Who better to go to for a pep talk when you need reminding that you are fabulously amazing? They can help you pick the outfit, something that says you, not the kim kardashian version of you. They can help you find things to talk about. They can remind you that it’s just a date and to have fun. They are moral support when you feel like your knees are made of jelly. If the date goes wonderfully they will be there to gush and celebrate. If it goes awfully, they will be there to help you get on over it and move on. Dates will come and go but friends are for life.

So there you have it kittens! Wish me luck on my little adventure, I have no doubt that it’ll be wonderful and if not it’ll be an experience. Here’s to dating fabulous dates, dating and the wonderful Mr. Fisher, may he live up to my expectations. 😉






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