I’ll be honest today’s post was meant to be something of an entirely different nature. I had fully intended writing a guide to fisting because so many people (at least the ones in my company) have been talking about it since 50 shades came out. For the first time since I started writing this blog, I decided against that post. I was worried about alienating some of the people reading my posts. I’ve recently joined a number of blogging facebook groups and as a result have gained more “likes” on my page. What would these new people think if the very first post they saw from me was about fisting? Would they think that was something I was into? Would people I know suddenly see me differently? I want to set up a bloggers network, will other bloggers know me as “fisting girl”? Then it hit me – Who gives a single solitary fuck what people think!
We are all guilty. I have spent the vast majority of my life simply existing instead of living because I was worried about what “others” thought of me.
We accept norms because everyone around us does. We tiptoe our way through life and conduct ourselves in a way that pleases others, not because it’s what we believe in. The sad part is that most of it is so ingrained into our psyche we are completely unaware we are doing it. Eventually our thoughts, our actions, our appearance, and our lives become overwhelmingly molded to best fit with what other people will approve. As humans we crave approval, we need it. It’s hardwired into us, if you didn’t fit in with the caveman group, you were flung out of the cave to battle the T-Rex solo. We’re not in the caves anymore, though at times it’s hard to tell by the sheer number of knuckle draggers out there.
Living a life that follows the “ideal” notions and shaping yourself to conform with what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you a spineless spectator in your own existence. You wait for others to take action first and hold back to see how they are perceived. Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything.
So make today the very last day you live a life dictated by others. Today is the day you stop giving a Fuck!
Ok, I know people often worry that their family or friends might not approve of something or that people are talking about you but here’s the thing…
No One Really Cares
It might come as a complete surprise but we’re not that special! We are the center of our own universe, but not everybody else’s. We go through our days fretting about how other people might be judging us. Truth is, those people are thinking the exact same thing! Nobody has the kind of time in their schedule to think about you for more than a brief second. The fact of the matter is, even when we get the time to gather our thoughts, we’re too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings—to think about others.
All that considered, even if someone does have the time and inclination to sit around judging you, Who gives a Fuck because….
You Can’t Please Everyone!
It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s standards and expectations. There will always be people that will judge us, it takes all sorts and all that. Whether you’re at the supermarket, at work, going for a walk, or even posting on facebook. Even now it’s happening. You will never ever be able to stop people from judging you, it’s impossible. You can, however, take control and stop it from affecting you!
Think about the very worst thing that could ever possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing. Now, how likely is it that situation is going to occur? I guarantee that chances are, nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing, nada, zip. No one is going to go out of their way to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because Ilike I said before, no one actually cares. Not only that but they are so afraid of what people will think of them, they will be afraid to confront you for fear of appearing wrong. What will happen is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground! They might not agree with you, what you’re doing/ wearing etc. but they will respect you.
Start by standing up for what you believe in—causes, opinions, anything. You’re going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you really feel? I have learned that it is much better to be loved and accepted by a few people you actually care about, than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, your partner—the people who love you for who you are! These are the people who will be there for you during your worst times and therefore most important. Focus on these people. They are the only people that really matter.
Don’t be a doormat!
Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the way we think will become the way we behave. These individuals become people-pleasers and overly accommodating to others. This is because they think it will stop them from being judged. It really wont! Most people don’t like push-overs and are turned off by it.
It’s not all doom and gloom here are five ways to stop giving a Fuck!
1. Know Your Values!
Firstly, you need to know what its important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you’re ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters most to you, what other people think of you becomes much less important. When you know your values, you’ll have something to stand up for —something you believe in. You’ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you’ll learn to say no when people put negative pressure on you. When you have your values straight, you have your shit straight.
2. Get Out There
Now that you know what you’re about it’s time to put yourself out there. This can be done in all manner of ways. Here are a few suggestions:
-Wearing a statement item of clothing/ makeup/ jewelry
-Flirting/Asking someone out
Keep in mind that when you’re doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Be honest with yourself and what you share, be brave and take a risk, you won’t die, honest!
3. Surround Yourself with Fearless People
Surround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you and you will become inspired by their acts of bravery and this will encourage you to create some brave acts of your own.
4. Create a “Scary Shit List”
OK, now we’re getting personal. A Scary Shit List is comprised of all the things in life that scare the bejeasus out of you. These are fears, insecurities—anything that gives you the heeby jeebies.
Here’s how it works:
You start by writing all the things that scare you. Then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next. Of course you need to be a tad sensible about the thing, fear of being shot or stabbed is a legitimate fear. This does not mean you go on down to the firing range and launch yourself in front of the gunmen.
This exercise does work wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfort zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don’t take action, you’re just someone who’s read how to ride a bike without ever having ridden one. Start with baby steps and go from there
5. Travel Alone
If you’re looking for the ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Traveling with other people can be fun, but you won’t get the opportunity to truly get out of your comfort zone. You’ll be exposed to different social cultures, language barriers, break social norms that you didn’t even know existed, and ultimately, be forced to burst out of your small bubble.
Trust me, you’ll be just fine. It won’t be easy initially, but don’t get discouraged. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it everyday, as do many others but you need to get started today. Even if it’s a solo road trip to another county, hell even going to lunch by yourself and *gasp* actually eating, alone, in public!!!!
It wasn’t until I went to New York, the city where nobody gives a single fuck what anyone else is doing, that I learned how little people care. Not only that but I learned how little people’s opinions mattered. That said it took many more years to put that into practice, but I got there!
The world is already full of people who follow the crowd. But the people who don’t give a Fuck, those are the ones that will change the world. Be the latter. Start living life the way you want to live it, be fearless, uncaring and always, always stand up for the truth and what is right. Someone has to!!
Take back your self respect. Do it today– try it right now. Wear something bold. Do something stupid. Make a fool of yourself for fun. Be brave. Tell someone the truth.
Don’t give one single Fuck!