The first step is always the hardest

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You may have noticed that I have been absent over the last month, or you may not have. The truth is I have avoided posting for the last while because I have been afraid. This is not something I admit to lightly. I quite like to think of myself as someone who has their shit together and can handle anything life throws at them. However in recent weeks I have come to the realisation that I am only human and sometimes things will get to me.

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I like to think of my blog as my happy space to be creative, fun, share ideas and challenge things I feel need to be challenged. However recently I have been subject to hurtful accusations, hateful comments and harrassment on this blog and on social media. Initially I decided I was going to stay quiet and say nothing. I was afraid. I would hate to think that I was doing something intentionally to hurt people. That is not the person that I am. However you may feel about me and my views ultimately I believe I am a good person. I took a break from posting because I felt that if I posted whilst receiving these messages that I would (a) be directly hurting the people who had expressed displeasure with my writing and (b) I would put myself directly in the firing line for more online abuse and harrassment. So I decided to hide.
Was it the right decision? Probably not but it was the right decision for me at the time in the head space that I was in. After much reflection, critical thinking and self care I decided it was time to come out of hiding. Not because I think the threat may be gone or because I have vowed to change my writing but because no matter what you do in this life someone is not going to like it and that’s okay. I welcome a challenge to my writing and opinions.

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However what I do not welcome and will not tolerate is hateful comments and bully tactics from people hiding behind a computer screen. Let me make this clear.
If you do not like what I have to say, then pretty please don’t read it.
If you would like to challenge a point I make please feel free.
However
If you think I am going to lay down and die because you want to hide behind a screen and make comments then you would be very wrong.

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Every comment my blog recieves reveals the details about the sender, I am more than certain they are unaware they are sending. Each and every hateful comment and threat has been logged accurately with dates, times anf corresponding ip addresses. Futher more I have no issue with providing such information to the Gardaí if necessary.

And exhale

Unfortunately my first post back wasn’t  the shiny happy one I had hoped for. Then again I knew I had to address it so that I could draw a line under it and move on. It had been so long since I wrote I genuinely began to panic and wonder how I was going to go back to normal after all of this .
Truth is I’ve been thinking on it over and over until today I finally decided that I have had enough. I’m going to let the bullys hate and bitch and have their moment.

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Meanwhile I’ll be over here having a ball and getting on with my wonderful life and blogging more and more.
I want to thank each and every one of you for your patience, kindness, support and love during this terrible period in my existence.
This first step back has been so difficult for me but now that I have taken it I now know that I am unstoppable
xxx

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