“You can’t bring everyone with you”
This phrase has been rolling around my head the last number of weeks. It’s been said to me a number of times by a close friend, particularly when I mention how much in my life is changing at such a rapid pace.
It might sound like total bullshit but since I’ve started expecting more of myself I’ve started expecting more for myself. The things I would have accepted, tolerated and excused before now doesn’t sit right, makes my skin crawl or my blood boil.
I’m no saint, I can put my hands in the air to that right now. I can hand on heart say that I can be a thundering bitch when the mood strikes me. However, I am a good person. I drop love bombs and compliments on the regular, I support my friends in achieving their dreams and desires, I am frequently the in case of emergency phone call for anything from missed periods to bad break ups and dating disasters in between. I do not resent this role, this is who I am, I am a lover, a supporter and a helper. All too frequently I’m a fixer.
The thing is while I’ve been doing all of these things I’ve neglected myself, my dreams and desires to cater to the needs of others. It becomes even more insulting when the love support and encouragement isn’t thrown back your way.
I’m not saying every relationship is a series of tick box actions where you add up all the things you’ve done for each other and if they don’t match you call it quits. That’s not now life works. When you’re not getting back the effort you put into things though it can become quite grating.
However when some major changes and pretty good shit starts happening for you and those nearest aren’t right there with you in the joy- that’s when you have to start asking questions. When the cutie you’ve been texting goes AWOL as they please citing that they are very busy, you have to wonder why you’re the only one making an effort. Particularly when you’re not exactly lounging around eating bon bons either. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum when things start to get outwardly nasty. The passive aggressive comments, the sly digs the cutting remarks.
“It’s so easy for you, If I had the time you do I could do that too, That can’t be healthy/good for you, It’s all a bit much though, How long will this last…”
You get the picture, you’ve had one of those people too. Everyone has! Sometimes they’re disguised as a friend, sometimes a lover and sometimes family. Frequently they will call around with a passive aggressive remark and piss all over your parade. I used to figure these people were in place to keep you grounded and prevent you from getting “notions”.
Now that I’ve started to spend more time around the kick ass, positive, warrior people I’ve started to realise that this kind of negative nonsense is not ok. I deserve more than this! Who are you to be so rude and disrespectful? What the fuck did I do to warrant such piss poor behaviour from you? Oi, the passive aggressiveness, what’s that shit about? Moreover why can’t we just have a chat about what’s going on like grown ups, instead of playing this game of mind fuck?
Then it hit me “You can’t bring everyone with you”
Why do I suddenly expect so much for myself and from those around me?
I have paid the price and earned it!
I have put in the hours, the blood, the sweat, the tears and the sacrifice.
I can’t bring everyone with me because they don’t “get” what’s required to do what I’m doing and it is only in the doing that you qualify to reap the rewards. All too often people want what you have until they realise what you’ve had to do to get there.
That’s ok, its just not their time. They’ll get there, when they are good and ready. They will make the decisions that are right for them at a time that is right for them and acheive their best in their own time.
Until that happens though I am not going to have discounted the work that I’ve put in.
The times I :
Stayed behind instead of finishing early
Was up before dawn and in bed after midnight
Gave up time off to pursue my goals
Believed in what I was doing while others mocked
Got back up after falling or being kicked down
Shared the love and support when it was unpopular
Helped others when I was the one most in need of help
Cried all night after smiling all damn day for everybody
Accepted bad behaviour and disrespect, even made excuses for it
Remained positive and trusting after repeated betrayals
Gave everything I had to give to everyone else so that I had nothing left for myself.
This is not a pity party, I made these choices willingly and in full faith that one day these minor choices would reap major reward.
I’ve fucking earned all this good shit and nobody can take that away from me!
The thing is my lovelies when you start seeing yourself as less than, you start accepting less than! You are not now, nor will you ever be less than! Be your sparkling shining best and middle fingers to anyone who doesn’t like it. Don’t waste your energy on ill will just smile and wave at the fucker as you continue on your shiny happy way. Dream big, crazy stupid silly big and work your ass off to make a dent in that bucket list. You know the addage: Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.
Do More, Be More, Expect More, Love yourself harder than anyone else can! Keep the faith and the rest will come.
Will it be easy- No
Will it be worth it- Absofuckinloutely