I’m hoping that the heading to this post will create the desired effect- that you will be curious to see what I’m at and click to find out more. That or I’ve disgraced my mother/ family and sent heaps of people recoiling in horror at the thought of me and my jiggly bits getting naked in public. Continue reading
Modern dating is tricky. I say “tricky” what I mean is outright f*cking infuriating nad frustrating. We live in a world filled with communication methods- there are hundreds if messaging apps. Still, a bitch can’t get a text back- Even when there’s a read receipt in place.
When did we all decide to stop dating? Instead we’re hanging out and hooking up and the boundaries are fuzzier than ever. Are we doing a thing? Are we exclusive? Do you see this the same way I do? Or maybe I just don’t know the rules and need to be excluded from the game.
After years of dating, breakups, turn downs and traumas I have learned one thing. If he’s not making the effort back and pursuing you- He’s just not interested. I’m not suggesting we, sit around sniffing our smelling salts like a damsel in in need of a big, strong man to come and rescue us. That’s not my point here at all. My point is this: Men seem to have forgotten how to pursue women. And women seem to have picked up that slack by becoming the pursuers. Don’t pick me up wrong, I wear my feminist badge with pride but part of being an empowered woman is knowing your heart, your time, and your company is worth being wooed and pursued. You are worthy of someone caring enough to make the damn effort Perhaps you have a different opinion or have had a different experience, and that’s okay. That’s why this is my blog and not yours – sorry bout it :). If you do connect with this concept, however, and if you’ve lost days, months or years of your life to chasing a man who plays hard to get or runs hot and cold, this ones for you.
1- It’s humiliating, exhausting, and downright bad for your self-esteem.
It’s impossible to feel good about yourself if you’re willing to trade in your dignity for a pair of running shoes in order to chase after any man. And your dignity and self-esteem are never worth surrendering, for anyone or anything. If you have to chase him, here’s the cold, hard truth: He doesn’t want to be caught. A man who wants to be with a woman will always be running TOWARD her, not away from her. I’m not saying don’t reach out and make the first move! Go for it girl, take the risk, but if he doesn’t acknowledge the guts and vulnerability it takes to make that move- move on, you’re wasting your energy.
2-He’s clearly not that great of a guy.
Why? Because a man of character would stop dodging and evading and being shady and would sit down with you face-to-face to tell you honestly that he doesn’t want to be with you. Or at least send the “We should be FRIENDS” text He wouldn’t keep playing games with your heart or keep you hanging around as his backup plan. Cause if he is you’re dealing with a good ol fashioned fuck boy.
3-Sometimes he’ll give you a little, just to try you out.
If you’re chasing him and for a moment he deems you “good enough”, he might just indulge you for a little while, no matter how interested he really is. Not having to make any effort whatsoever doesn’t happen that often, so he’s unlikely to turn that down. Still, we all know just because a guy is willing to fool around with you doesn’t mean he actually cares in any way.
4- You do not want to be stuck doing all the work!
If you set a precedent where you’re always the one initiating conversations and making plans, he’s going to stay lazy. Breaking his habit of waiting for you to come to him won’t be easy, and you deserve more than that. F’real if texting back is a super effort- how irritating will it be to try and make plans. And lets be frank if he’s that lazy/ uncaring in life- how’s it gonna work out in bed?
5- Think of What You’re missing out on!!
You are missing out on the things and people and relationships that are meant for you by wasting all your time and energy on the things that aren’t. When you stop chasing the things that aren’t for you, you give the things that ARE a chance to catch up to you. But as long as you’re caught up in the drama of an on-again, off-again endless pursuit of a maybe something. You’re closing off all of the amazing people and things things already staring you right in the face.
Wherever you’re at, I hope that you’ll realize that you are worth being pursued. You deserve someone who is willing to put in equal effort, who is willing to do whatever it takes to capture your heart. Take off those running shoes and give your legs, head and your heart a break.
Its taken me a lot longer to start writing this post than maybe it should have but for the first time in a very long time I feel like I am getting my life back. So I would like to … Continue reading
Could you be involved with a Sociopath? I was and here are the subtle indicators I missed Continue reading
**Major Trigger Warnings**
This is the article I never thought I’d write. Somehow I thought if I followed the “rules” it would never happen to me, I would never be sexually assaulted. Continue reading
Since starting in Fit 100 and speaking publicly about my efforts to get fit and healthier as a fat babe I have received a heap of messages asking for advice on different elements of Fat Girl Fitness.
Everything from Gym Fears, Sports Wear to What do I do for support/ encouragement/ inspiration.
Is this something you would like to see more of? Or would you prefer that I stick to my usual topics/ format.
Obviously this would be completely body positive and not contain any fat/body shamey nonsense. Nor will I be delving into giving out advice I’m unqualifited to give.
It will just be fun, supportive posts and me having a moan about my aches and pains 😀
I’d love to hear your thoughts xxxx
The last few weeks have been nothing short of insanity for me. A whirlwind of deadlines, events, appearances, articles and all of the work. Total first world problems but still stressful to my little head. I even missed out on … Continue reading
If you’ve been considering taking the plunge into Internet dating but aren’t quite sure how to get started, here are my tips to ensure that your experience is a positive, safe and successful one. Continue reading
I would like to think that I’m pretty ballsy in my writing. You would think that there’s nothing I wouldn’t discuss but you’d be very wrong.
This fact came glaring into my view quite recently in light of the horrific murder of Clodagh Hawe and her beautiful boys. Alongside the mainstream media coverage of this terrible tragedy, which rendered Clodagh Hawe invisible, ran a series of articles discussing the level of violence against women in this country. As soon as the news broke I had people emailing and forwarding links asking for my take on it and asking for my input but I just couldn’t do it.
The things I can’t talk about:
1- Domestic Violence/ Violence Against Women:
I just can’t do it. There is a very selfish reason for this fact, it’s too fuckin close to the bone. It would involve opening wounds and revealing parts of myself and my story that I just can’t. Not only would this impact on me but these stories always impact upon others aswell. Other people who may have to see this information for the first time written in front of them and that is just not fair. It’s selfish but it’s self care. I know I’m not ok with it, I know I’m not ready to go there and that is my choice to make. This might make me a bad feminist, a bad writer or someone who can’t be trusted because I can’t be 100% honest. I’m ok with all of those things, I can live with those. Talking about violence is just not something I’m ready for.
Anyone who sticks their head above the parapet for even a moment is opening themselves up for criticism, it’s a given. However when you are a female with an opinion on the internet, shit goes south really quick. The hate is frequent and has moved to daily, a tyrade of abusive messages, emails, comments and tweets. Starting with critique of my appearance and escalating up to threats of bodily harm. I can’t talk about these hateful messages, why? Who the fuck would wanna listen to me?? Seriously if I started every conversation with “A stranger on the internet was mean to me” how long do you think people would stay reading for? How long before people got bored of the moaning? Moreover, what’s it going to achieve? It’s not going to stop the lil fuckers and moreover it’s giving them more air time and head space than they deserve.
3- My Sex Life:
Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about sex as much as the next person. I will happily recommend books, toys, websites and positions till the cows come home. I’ve been sitting in coffee shops minding my business when people have approached me with questions. That’s cool, have at it, I’m happy to help. How and ever I’m fairly certain my pool of partners, potential or otherwise would soon start to run dry if I started giving the blow by blow. Seriously, how eager would you be to jump in the sack with someone if you thought they were gonna write a long ass post about it. Some bloggers do it, they do it pretty damn well, with seemingly zero impact on their hook ups. I however am a queer chick living in Limerick. I have enough shit to contend with besides adding more fuel to the fire.
4-Things I Would Not Say To a Persons Face:
I know I’m a mouthy bint, it’s a given, nobody is surprised. I do draw the line at actively being a bitch to someone for the sake of it. There are plenty of things that piss me off that I would love to share, the behaviours of other bloggers, businesses who have utterly taken the piss, the shitty things people have said behind your back that you would only love to lay it all out for. But I don’t. Not cause I’m a saint or I expect a medal but because sometimes its just better to leave these things go away on their own. Blasting them online when I wouldn’t say it to their face is not the way I want to go. If I have something to say I’ll say it to you and maybe write about the process. However getting on my high horse to blast someone and say their blog is shit isn’t gonna make anything better for anyone. Besides I like to avoid being punched in the face as frequently was possible thanks.
5- My PCOS
Ah yes Poly Cystic Ovarian syndrome. I have it and I fucking hate it!! It is an absolute arsehole of an illness and causes me untold levels of mortification. Some days are fine, others are not and to be quite honest I dont want to be pointing people in the direction of my flaws. Trolls have enough ammunition already, I do not want to hand them another club with which they can beat me.
Yes yes I am a weak woman, wholly influenced by the patriarchal nonsense of beauty standards. Oh yes guys n dolls, the high priestess of anti body bashing hates things about her own body . I have sat down to write about it an untold amount of times and I am just not brave enough.
In time I might pull up my socks and put on my big girl knickers and talk about my bandy ovaries & sex life but for now, I’m happy out not pointing people in the direction of my insecurities. That said if there is anything you would see value in me covering, please do get in touch, I promise I won’t tell you fuck off.
When you expect more of yourself you expect more for yourself. You’re not always going to get it but it’s not the end of the world Continue reading