5 Reasons Why I’ve Stopped Chasing Guys

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Modern dating  is tricky.  I say “tricky” what I mean is outright f*cking infuriating nad frustrating.  We live in a world filled with communication methods- there are hundreds if messaging apps. Still, a bitch can’t get a text back- Even when there’s a read receipt in place.

When did we all decide to stop dating? Instead we’re hanging out and hooking up and the boundaries are fuzzier than ever. Are we doing a thing? Are we exclusive? Do you see this the same way I do? Or maybe I just don’t know the rules and need to be excluded from the game.

After years of dating, breakups, turn downs and traumas I have learned one thing. If he’s not making the effort back and pursuing you- He’s just not interested.  I’m not suggesting we, sit around sniffing our smelling salts like a damsel in in need of a big, strong man to come and rescue us. That’s not my point here at all. My point is this: Men seem to have forgotten how to pursue women. And women seem to have picked up that slack by becoming the pursuers.  Don’t pick me up wrong, I wear my feminist badge with pride but part of being an empowered woman is knowing your heart, your time, and your company is worth being wooed and pursued. You are worthy of someone caring enough to make the damn effort  Perhaps you have a different opinion or have had a different experience, and that’s okay. That’s why this is my blog and not yours – sorry bout it :).  If you do connect with this concept, however, and if you’ve lost days, months or years of your life to  chasing a man who plays hard to get or runs hot and cold, this ones for you.

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1- It’s humiliating, exhausting, and downright bad for your self-esteem.

It’s impossible to feel good about yourself if you’re willing to trade in your dignity for a pair of running shoes in order to chase after any man. And your dignity and self-esteem are never worth surrendering, for anyone or anything. If you have to chase him, here’s the cold, hard truth: He doesn’t want to be caught. A man who wants to be with a woman will always be running TOWARD her, not away from her. I’m not saying don’t reach out and make the first move! Go for it girl, take the risk, but if he doesn’t acknowledge the guts and vulnerability it takes to make that move- move on, you’re wasting your energy.

2-He’s clearly not that great of a guy.

Why? Because a man of character would stop dodging and evading and being shady and would sit down with you face-to-face to tell you honestly that he doesn’t want to be with you. Or at least send the “We should be FRIENDS” text He wouldn’t keep playing games with your heart or keep you hanging around as his backup plan. Cause if he is you’re dealing with a good ol fashioned fuck boy.

3-Sometimes he’ll give you a little, just to try you out. 

If you’re chasing him and for a moment he deems you “good enough”, he might just indulge you for a little while, no matter how interested he really is. Not having to make any effort whatsoever doesn’t happen that often, so he’s unlikely to turn that down. Still, we all know just because a guy is willing to fool around with you doesn’t mean he actually cares in any way.

4- You do not want to be stuck doing all the work!

If you set a precedent where you’re always the one initiating conversations and making plans, he’s going to stay lazy. Breaking his habit of waiting for you to come to him won’t be easy, and you deserve more than that. F’real if texting back is a super effort- how irritating will it be to try and make plans. And lets be frank if he’s that lazy/ uncaring in life- how’s it gonna work out in bed?

5- Think of What You’re missing out on!!

You are missing out on the things and people and relationships that are meant for you by wasting all your time and energy on the things that aren’t. When you stop chasing the things that aren’t for you, you give the things that ARE a chance to catch up to you. But as long as you’re caught up in the drama of an on-again, off-again endless pursuit of a maybe something. You’re closing off all of the amazing people and things things already staring you right in the face.

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Wherever you’re at, I hope that you’ll realize that you are worth being pursued. You deserve someone who is willing to put in equal effort,  who is willing to do whatever it takes to capture your heart. Take off those running shoes and give your legs, head  and your heart a break.

 

 

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There are plenty more fish in the sea- unless you go on Plenty of Fish

I want to take a moment to say that I am so humbled by the positive responses I have gotten to my blog so far. You guys are completely amazing, I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to do this and for responding in such a positive way. Since my last post went live I have had so many positive responses from women accross the globe. Which feels incredibly strange to say, it is beyond amazing to me that something I write on my little purple netbook, whilst sitting like a baby buddah and drinking tea can have such a profound effect. For all those good feelings I thank you all so much. I have been in touch with a fabulous company who specialise in helping women see their own gorgeousness and capturing that and I promise I will write about that soon but for today I want to do a flashback to the very first article I ever wrote, but kept on my laptop for ages because I felt silly writing it. I dedicate this piece to the english teacher who told me I could never be a writer. This one’s for you Miss. 

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I  have been participating in the weird and wonderful world of  online dating sites on and off for about two years now. If you don’t use online dating then I hope this post will give you an insight into this unique world . For those that do date online you get internet points if you recognise any of the following and double points if you recognise yourself.

Toy Boys: Blokes aged 22 and under. Profile picture is generally a picture of them and all their mates on the lash, making it near impossible to figure out which baby faced drunkard you’re “talking” to. I use the term talking to very very loosely. Obviously first because its typed communication you really can’t consider it talking and secondly because the language used is generally impossible to decipher. If it was text speak I would find it a minor irritation but ultimately I would get over it, writing it off as a time efficient method of communicating. However this language is totally foreign to me using words like yhuu to mean you or mii to mean my- what is the point!! It looks like nonsense and it takes longer to type than the actual words! Usually the toy boy is looking for no commitment or relationship of any kind. I have no issue with hook ups power to you if you enjoy them and get something from them but I’m afraid its not for me.

The first time girl experience: I’m happy for you that you have discovered your sexuality and are comfortable enough to explore it. I’m really sorry though I’m not the girl to explore it with. I don’t do well as a babysitter and the first time out girl requires a great deal of minding and teaching. Fabulous if you’re looking for someone to mold into the perfect lover. It just seems like a lot of hard work and drama to me. I’m looking for an equal partner not someone to “fix”. Not to mention the significant possibility that she may not be out of the closet yet. Which leads me nicely to ….

Closet Cases: I totally get it being out isn’t easy. There is a whole psychological process involved in coming to terms with who you are and then informing your loved ones. It can be a painful process full of rejection and pain. So I totally get why you wouldn’t want to do it and I don’t want you to do it for me (mostly because I don’t wanna get the blame for “making you” do it) I also don’t want to be introduced to people as your friend (I don’t kiss my friends like that). I want to be able to hold your hand in public, kiss you when the mood strikes or just pinch your ass because I can and not have to check if there’s anybody we know about first. I also want to be able to go out and not have to avoid people with cameras like a celebutante avoiding the paparazzi.

Naughty bits profile pictures: I’m not gonna lie I’m totally gonna check you out. Kudos to you for your bravery/ foolishness too depending on how you wanna view it and fair play for showing the goods to any potential hook ups. But let’s get real here, if your bits are your profile picture you really don’t need to waste your time (or mine) with filler in your profile that tells me what a wonderful person you are and that you like long walks on the beach or better again that you are looking for a relationship. Detailing your kinks is acceptable but your dreams wishes and ambitions are kinda unnecessary. Don’t get me wrong you might have a lovely cock- but call me old fashioned I’d like to see who it belongs to.

People that send messages just saying Hey, Hi or  my personal favourite Hru? how utterly profound! What a fascinating creature, such linguistic and conversational skills I must know more. Come on now if you can’t be arsed writing more than one word then why send anything? If you cant think of anything to say to me when you have time to prepare and you can hide behind your keyboard, the first date conversation isn’t looking too promising.

The my friends say people: my friends say I’m really good looking, my friends say I’m really funny, my friends say I’m a really great person.We are all grown ups here you are allowed have opinions on yourself and be able to discuss those opinions without the need for a reference. I promise if you tell me that you’re sporty/nerdy/ clever or whatever I will believe you honest, I don’t need to ask your mates. Plus they’re your friends they’re hardly the most objective bunch of people. Your friends are hardly gonna call you an unfriendly, gimpy, unfunny dickhead now are they- at least not to your face anyway. Unless they are particularly cruel in which case get off Plenty of Fish and get some new friends!

Sugar daddies/ mommies: Older ladies/ gents who wanna take you out buy you shiny things and treat you in exchange for spending time with them etc. If that’s what you’re into awesome the internet is full of them, no recession in sugar land.  Not for me I’m afraid the whole thing makes me a little uneasy, besides if I wanted to receive remittance for spending time with an older person I’d apply for a carers allowance.

Finally:
Guys pretending to be girls: Come on now, you are fooling nobody! Besides isn’t this an awful lot of work just to get off? The making of the profile, seeking out women, the developing of a rapport etc etc. Surely a smutty video or story would be much easier. There are plenty of online resources, Google is your friend , now leave the nice ladies alone and go about your day.

*Disclaimer*I would like to acknowledge that there are tonnes of wonderful  men and women looking for love on the internet.  I’ve been privileged enough to meet some of them and can now call them friends. I am not the perfect date or online dater, I have been called picky. I remain hopeful though that I will find someone awesome of my very own, they may not be online but its worth a shot.

 

I want to hear your online dating triumphs and disasters! Spill the beans! 

Rebelle

xoxox